Ozzie Guillen, Protector of the Race

Just when you thought that Ozzie might, might realize the trouble he will be in if he keeps this sort of insane crusade up, when you think someone might have convinced him to shut the hell up long enough to be distracted by the White Sox record, he goes and proves to you that he really hasn't a single shred of sense in his head.

Allow me to quote this article --

Dodgers first base coach Mariano Duncan considered Ozzie Guillen a trailblazer and role model, a Latino who rose through the coaching ranks to become a manager after his playing career ended.

But after Guillen's string of controversial comments this year, Duncan has revised his opinion. And he has a message for the flamboyant Chicago White Sox manager.

"Think before you talk, or you can really hurt yourself and hurt a lot of other people," Duncan said.

"He embarrassed every Latino player, coach and front-office person."

"Ozzie is a hero in his country [Venezuela] and a hero in my country," Duncan said. "We are here in America, where you can speak freely. But you don't say everything that comes to your mind. He has to learn to slow down a little bit. You have to learn how to close your mouth.

"Baseball needs people like Ozzie Guillen. He motivates people. He's a smart guy. But he's got to be smarter than that."

I include all this text to give you the full flavor of Duncan's comments. Sharp, but not inflamatory; harsh, but not wrong, and meant in genuine kindness. Now you all know I'm an old school Giants fan, and that I have trouble feeling for the Dodgers (although the addition of Nomar may be turning me into a softie). But this is great advice for anyone in any walk of life. We all, at times, react too quickly and make fools of ourselves. Hopefully we're big enough to appologize, and to try to learn from our mistakes.

But Ozzie Guillen?

"Mariano Duncan never will be a big-league manager and not because I ruined it for him, [but] because if Mariano Duncan thinks being a manager is making out the lineup and changing pitchers, he is real wrong," Guillen said.

"I opened a lot of doors for Latino managers, a lot, because of the way I am, things that happened in my career as a player, coach and manager.

"I think Mariano Duncan should be the last person that should have an opinion about it, because maybe that will be an excuse for him if he doesn't make it [as] a big-league manager."

Did he open doors; yes, a few that had already been loosened, or opened and forgotten by Felipe Alou, and Tony Pena. These men know that winning, or losing, with class and respect were the real ways to open doors. Acting like a spoiled child with no sense of right and wrong whatsoever does not open doors, no matter if you win 162 games a season.

But let's investigate the most ludicrous part of Guillen's statement: "I opened a lot of doors ... because of ... things that happened in my career as a player."

Really. Is that so? I can only think of one active player, offhand, that your playing career made possible.

Guess who?

Albert Pujols? Not exactly.

Alex Rodriguez? Wrong division.

Jose Contreras? Maybe as a manager. Right city, wrong league.

How about Neifi Perez?

Keep in mind folks, that Ozzie Guillen is one of the absolute worst hitters of all-time. Number 8, Worst All-Time Runs Created Above Average. The idea that Guillen's playing career helped any of his countrymen, or any Latinos, in baseball is demented. If anything, a Latino who played the way Ozzie did would only slam doors in the faces of talented Latinos.

Let's make sure that whenever Ozzie retires (or gets run out of the sport), the whole city of Chicago get together to throw him a tickertape parade. But then Neife Perez should be the worst hitter in the history of baseball. We'll all know who to thank, Ozzie.

Get Well Card

Everyone who cares about the sport of baseball already know this, and I'm sure I don't have anything original to say on the matter, but this is maybe the worst thing that could happen to baseball.

I took a hiatus from baseball during high school, in the period that the Yankees ruled the Earth. The Yankee dominance was the major reason for this, as was the general futility of my old hometown teams, the A's and Giants. When I came back around, Gammons was one of the regulars on Baseball Tonight, and I remember enjoying his performance immensely. He has made so many people on that program look so bad; his talent, wit and wisdom have outshone any person they've ever had in the studio. I know I've never met him, but I've always thought of him as a friend of mine. Best wishes Peter, and get well soon.

Ozzie Guillen, Lord of Tact

I don't even have the energy to comment on anything this stupid. See here

Well, I lied, I do have the energy. Why do we put up with this? Why do we give a man who responds in profanity laced sexual and racial slurs any respect at all?

You want to talk about retaliation Ozzie? You want to talk about protecting your own? I want to see every player from Venezuela throw at your sluggers. I want to see every pitcher with a gay brother, a lesbian sister drill your lineup over and over again, with his hardest fastball, until he gets tossed from the game. Then I want to see the
next reliever do the same, over and over until the entire team is thrown out, and they have to forefit the game. That's how you make a statement about toughness

That's team solidarity, and that's what you deserve.

And furthermore, I would have expected John Rocker to be dead by now, from a combination of a painkiller overdose and mechanical-bull riding injury.

Ozzie Guillen, Master of Subtlety

This is going to come as a shock to all our loyal readers out there, but someone hit A.J. Pierzynski twice in a game Wednesday.

I'll give you a moment to collect yourselves.

Now, it's not like Michael Barrett hit him. Vincente Padilla plunked him on the arm in his first two ABs. Now most teams might accept this as the sort of thing that happens to one of the most notorious loud mouths in the game. Most managers would understand that a player who was punched in the face in a game this year might be looking for trouble, and got what he deserved.

Padilla threw a three hitter against a dangerous offense, with seven strikeouts and nearly finished the game himself. Maybe this was meant to intimidate the Sox, maybe he was just fired up and wanted to show why the Rangers are leading their division mid-June. Maybe this was old-fashioned Nolan Ryan style hurling. Of all the managers in baseball, you would think Guillen would understand this sort of passion, and the smash-mouth style of play. After all, it's exactly the way he instructs his team to play. So did he?

No. Kind of had the opposite reation.

I tell you one thing, if Padilla hit me twice, right now I'd be in the hospital or I'd be dead. But I will fight. I will fight.

If you've ever wondered if Ozzie Guillen is crazy, you shouldn't be after hearing this. The man wants to turn the game of baseball into a street fight (which is, incidentally, the only reason you'd ever want A.J. Pierzynski on you team.) Makes me pine for the days when Pinella was blonde and Bowa was running the Phils into the ground.

God in the (Pitching) Machine

Not long after a rain delay of 101 minutes, Albert Pujols slipped on the plastic on-deck logo that had become dangerously slick while chasing Jose Reyes' foul pop near the Cardinals' dugout in the eighth inning.

Pujols said the thought crossed his mind that the logo was going to come into play just before he slipped. He landed hard on his back and was down for several minutes before deciding to stay in the game. This is, of course, now very, very old news. Pujols' back injury, Grimsley, and any number of other stories have taken center stage. But I want to point us back a few weeks to the ESPN story, replete with quotes from the man himself.

"Right before I called for the ball I knew I was going to step on it, I think, and I knew I was going to have problems with it," Pujols said. "Hey, it happens. I'm glad it only had to happen one time before they took it out."Pujols said his upper back took the brunt of the impact, and he also felt his neck pop, but somehow he avoided banging his head, too. "It could have been worse," he said. "I could have broken my neck, I could have broken my back. The good Lord was watching me."

Ever since this entire nation finally gave into it's crush on Albert, (most waiting until the MVP last season to make it official) information on his squeaky-clean life has been hard to avoid. I know about his charity work, his marriage and his history. This article isn't meant to take him to task, or to spread steroid rumors. Even though the proof on Bonds took my baseball innocence, I won't start a witch hunt with Albert (though I won't ignore the warning signs I've been seeing either).

I'm sure God didn't want any harm to come to Albert, but was he really 'watching over him?' When Americans troops are being killed and maimed in war? When tens of thousands in this country go hungry and homeless every night? Sure, he's a good guy, and you might as well call him the Ned Flanders of baseball, (chiseled upper body, Churchy McChurch) but we need to stop indulging atheletes who think that God cares about touchdowns, home runs, strikeouts and freethrows. God has better things to do than watch baseball.