Dr Loria or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Fire Sale

From the way things look right now, when we start the 2006 season, the Devil Rays will be the more recognizable team in Florida, and, honestly, there will only be 31 major league teams playing. In a sense, contractions will have happened, in a roundabout way. If the season started today, this would be the starting lineup for the Marlins.

1B - Jason Stokes / Joe Dillon / Mike Jacobs
2B - Josh Wilson
SS - Hanley Ramirez / Robert Andino
3B - Alfredo Amezaga
LF - Chris Aguila
CF - Reggie Abercrombie / Eric Reed
RF - Miguel Cabrera
C - Matt Treanor / Josh Willingham
P - Dontrelle Willis

I recognize two of those names, which is why my choices for infielders are probably completely wrong. Wilson, Ramirez, Andino and Amezaga are all listed as SS. This is a minor league team with the exception of two players. I'd list a possible five man rotation, but beyond Dontrelle, I can't tell who the starters are for the Marlins. If I knew the minors better, I might be able to pull something together, but as it is I'm stumped.

But in a sense, this can't be the minor leagues, because this team, this year, is Major League.

I can see you're confused.

While Rachel Phelps looked far better than Loria ever would in a bikini, while Willie Mays Hayes hits and runs better than Cabrera, and while the Marlins do not have any players who actively practice voodoo, this is the fictional Indian team from the movie. Loria is going to put an awful team on the field, let them rack up about 90 losses for the next few years, and then aggressively demand a new stadium in about 2008 or 2009 or threaten to move the team when the lease at Pro Player Stadium runs out in 2010. His argument is going to be that without a new stadium, the team can't remain competitive, that "there must not be a stadium gap!"

The good news in Dr. Strangelove is that it was all over after the bomb was dropped, that we never had to watch the aftermath. We're going to get a front row seat this year.

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